Running isn't always good for you, 1 Life Laughing

Running isn’t always good for you…

So this is one of those weird moments you will have strange nightmares about afterwards. It’s probably never happened to you. It’s just not a normal thing to happen.

It started with some very well-meant exercise. Trainers – on, laces – tied, iPod – on shuffle, Rod Stewart – deleted from iTunes. I was ready for a productive fitness session, I did my stretches (ten seconds for each lunge, five seconds on the hams – it’s a question of balance…) And then I was running, a light, steady jog down the street to the local park. All is well so far, yes?

I should mention, this ‘park’ of mine is a patch of grass inhabited by stoners and dog walkers. It’s where I go to escape the grungy concrete of a Kent suburb, to run in literal circles around the one small patch of green in the near vicinity. So what happened isn’t really much of a surprise…

You think it won’t happen to you. It only happens to other people, right? But before I knew what was happening, a tiny white ball of fluff, embarrassingly the size of my hand, had charged at me. It was yapping but (even more embarrassingly) a Glee mashup of Adele songs was blocking out the noise. So I was completely unprepared for the lunge it made at my ankle.

It was a tense moment. I managed to escape a fully-fledged dog bite (no one can catch this Speedy Gonzales) but I did fall victim to the old awkward tripping-over-my-own-feet routine, swiftly pretending it was all intentional and working a smooooth limp into my run. You gotta give me A for effort, folks.

I know I know, they don’t come much clumsier than me. But they do come more awkward… because no sooner had I recovered from this little bizarre episode than a rather oversized woman, overflowing a park bench on my circuit, laughing along, and striking up a ‘he likes you don’t he?’ Nothing strange about that. I laughed along. She said something else that I didn’t hear so I laughed (standard go-to response when in doubt) and carried on with my jog. Normality returned. My breathing became its usual deathly rattle (sometimes people actually look worried as I stumble past them). But then came the next circuit. As I approached her, I knew it was coming. She had that excited, eager look of someone who sits in parks a lot.

‘Hello! How you doing?’

I mean, I was running. Who strikes up small talk with a jogger? I told her I was fine in my breathy dying Darth Vader tones and asked back (British politeness, going the extra mile). She shouted ‘fine’ after my receding back. At this point, I thought bless, it’s kinda friendly. But it kept happening. A new question every loop, the answers on my part more and more strained, the sweat falling thicker as I panicked, what if she follows me home and eats me when I fall asleep?

Don’t fear, ladies and gentleman, I made it home alive and alone. Because nothing will inspire you to just keep running like a crazy stranger watching and waiting on a bench. I know, I should write taglines for Adidas…

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3 thoughts on “Running isn’t always good for you…

  1. pixieannie says:

    Hilarious…sorry. Damn those pesky four legged critters but damn the irresponsible owners even more. Having been bitten by a Jack Russell, I can vouch for this. Perhaps the worst of the culprits are the extending lead brigade and ‘it’s ok, my dog is under control, even though it is 200 feet away from me and beware the invisible lead thing and oh, look where you are going,’ are you kidding me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lifevivified says:

    So I actually had to nominate some relatively new bloggers for the Liebster, and wanted to let you know I picked you! I hope that’s cool with you (since I linked to your blog), but let me know if you would prefer I take the nomination down.

    Like

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