Most likely, I am mainly talking to Britons and 40 year old angry men here, but one of the things I really can not stand about myself? (And there are few things in the world I cannot stand). It’s my red face.
I know what you’re thinking.
But it’s endearing, no one really notices, aw you’re so cute when you get embarrassed…
Clearly, none of these thoughts are owned by people who suffer from the red tide of self consciousness. It’s ridiculous. I’m a confident woman, I consider myself attractive, smart (at least witty) and socially adept. And yet, give me a height of emotion (and this can be positive as well as negative) and trust me – you can harvest me and make pasta sauce for the winter.
It lets me down on dates, in interviews, it scares small children and incites caution in strangers (what is it? Is it human? Is it Hulk?)
It has no evolutionary purposes (I stand out against ANY background, something would have eaten me long ago) and it only serves to weaken my position in social situations, so it’s not some bold public display to assert authority in the pack. I strongly doubt it’s a mating call. So what the hell is going on? Nature what are you doing to me?
I’ve tried many tactics to flee the fire, but I’m telling you, nothing works. You can’t talk yourself out of it. I’ve tried simply ‘being confident’ (that old chestnut) – nope, still red as soon as I stand up to give that presentation. I’ve tried make up but my natural glow shines through like the freaking sun every time. I’ve tried yoga, excessive hydration (just makes you pee more), fewer layers (just makes you cold all the time) and a stern telling off to my skin (you never know, maybe on some level, my skin cells could have bashfully resigned to my anger).
Nothing. Nada. Rien. Still as red as a fire engine. I’ve resorted to covering my face with towels (see above photo… not ideal…)
So I’m resigned now to a life of red-headedness. I’m finally accepting it. If you can’t beat ’em join ’em, right? And maybe one day, in the distant future, people won’t be saying ‘ew she’s gone all red, we’re not hiring her’, but audiences all over the world will be saying ‘wow, I’ve finally seen Emily Ford’s red face, she must be about to do something amazing’.
My advice to you? Own your red face. Because you can not get rid of it (believe me).