Have you ever wandered through a field in the countryside, the wind stroking your hair away from your face, the green and golden patchwork rolling away for miles beneath your feet, and thought: but what if I could share all of this with a sheep by my side? Well then, my friends, now is a wonderful time to be alive.
I apologise to sheep walkers everywhere if they are offended by my jibes. I have no issue with any of you. I think it’s wonderful that people walk sheep in their spare time. Let me explain why I use the word ‘wonderful’ here.
I had a dream last night that I could be plugged into a machine and controlled over radio waves. I dreamt that my relationship (entirely fictional), which I believed to be founded upon love, was actually ownership. I was a slave and I was a machine, performing somebody else’s desires. In this dream I escaped, to live as a fugitive above a kebab shop. Now, ignoring that this has exposed me as the nutter that I am… it’s pretty obvious what my subconscious was hammering at me with. Have I become boring? Do I do the same thing day in, day out? It’s a question that has been asked time and time again. All you have to do is read a novel by Kazuo Ishiguro or watch almost any film set in an office to see the same questions asked.
But I think I’ve found the answer. It’s sheep walking. You’re allergic to wool, you say? You don’t live near the countryside? Then walk a panda or a gerbil, or join a circus group on a Monday night. Dress up as a spandexed super hero and roam your streets (during the daytime of course, be safe kids) or for the fainter of heart, learn the banjo. Make a collage out of spaghetti and foam. Make a toy dog out of a Primark towel (I know, where am I getting these from right?) Go to a gig for a band you’ve never heard of. Go on a date with a stranger. Invent a meal with whatever is left in your fridge. Karate chop a traffic warden.
Whatever it is, do it. (Maybe not that last one…) Don’t be bored. There are far too many things to do in this world for any of us to be bored, ever. So go and walk a sheep across the dales. Go on. Don’t sleep walk through your day. Sheep walk through it.